Call Me Human.

When was the first time we experienced what we label as pain? I am sure you have heard the saying, “Hurting people hurt people.” Well in one way or another, are we not all hurting? So this makes me wonder how many people I have hurt today. And what about tomorrow? 

Expections. I have recently gathered the thought that the expectations that I have set upon myself and others cause me more pain than it does others. So, by this I am only hurting myself. Is it possible to not set expectations? I want to be free of this, but is it humanily possible I wonder. The number one person I am trying to not expect anything of is my husband. This allows him to be true to himself. I would much rather experience the natural Mark than the superficial Mark I am trying to create and live with. blahh. This is sickening to me. To think that I do what I can to control someone to not be true to themselves.  I am striving to rid myself of this. I have found that when I set expectations on myself and Mark, the opposite tends to take place. I expect myself to be “perfect”. Seriously, in so many areas of my life I have set the bar of perfection above myself. And I am now carrying the weight of not being this. How ignorant? Am I not aware of the fact that I am human just like all of those who surround me? ha ha. Which then amazes me how the brain can be so powerful. I can have all the evidence surrounding me that I can not be what I expect myself to be yet still expect to be different. Wow. Talk about lying to self. I feel like a huge reason why I do this is because of being raised in Christianity. Religion is full of expectations. But thats another discussion on its own. How do you accept your humanity? 

Live for what?

The question that dwells within me, What do I want to live for?

We speed on the highway, what for? Where are you going? What is the purpose that calls your name? I do not want to be chasing a rabbit that I will never catch. I dont want to have a list of things that I need to accomplish in this life than once those things are accomplished I can sit back. When I choose to sit back and do nothing, I am not enjoying myself. So why would that be any different in 50 years? If the end of everything is death, what should I do to fill my time in the mean time? I do not want to be worrying about paying debt off or sending my child to college. I feel like there is something very real here that I am not seeing. How do I enjoy myself from day to day? I am wondering if it is through self expression. Is the adventure in this world really only lying within my ownself? To take myself on a journey..

Watching a movie and following a tv series dont do it for me.

I guess, i feel this way because I dont act out. So since i dont act out and try to discover things I am sitting here with all these questions.

What do you live for?

Thought process

I live this life, and every day I find myself waking up. My body goes through the motions of the habits I have established in my being. I believe the thoughts that start in my brain, change my will and then change my direction.
So do I have control over my thoughts?
What makes me think the things that come so naturally for me? The thoughts that feel like, I am not even thinking them but they are just there.. What are these? I believe they are habitual thoughts and ideas. They come according to what I focus on. So I must change my actions to change my thought process..? I am still trying to understand this. I mean after all, the brain is an incredibly designed thing. I want what is best for me and my husband. And I think I may need to change some things in my life which will change me.

Magnify what you want.

What is your perspective on the storm you find yourself in today? I think the way you see your storm is based on your trust in God or lack there of. Life can sure make me feel like i am tumbling in a dryer, sinking in the ocean or even losing every bit of me that I think I know. When I am overtaken, overwhelmed and consumed with the negativity that so easily finds me, my focus is on that of which it shouldn’t be. We all are born with a tool, and this tool is our magnifying glass. Our mind’s eye influences us more than we can even comprehend. All the thoughts that run through our head are based on what we have our magnifying glass focused on. So when we are in this chaos of life, everyday, what will you choose to focus on? I do believe it is a choice, do we choose positivity or negativity?

Also, the people whom surround us see us as we are, more so than we can even see ourselves. Why not ask the people who say they love us, to tell us how they see us. Maybe challenge them to challenge you. If we were to ask our family members to make a list from 1 to 10 of the things they see as our priorities, we would get a glimpse of ourselves from the 3rd person perspective. I know for me, this would open my eyes up to who I am to others. So why not go there?

Lets take a step to bettering our selves which would help others. I want to choose love, above all else.

Strangers to love.

Everyone keeping to self. Strangers to those who surround us. We deny the pain we see in everyone’s eyes. Is that due to the fact that we see ourselves when we look into others? Why do we pretend to be okay when we aren’t? We all want something but we hide from this desire. Maybe we feel as though how can we help others when we can’t even help ourselves. But I see it as, maybe if we can see past ourselves and look at the need of others.. and act. Do something to help our brethren out. Maybe that is the cure that we need to sustain self. I believe this action is called love. Is love the doorway to an abundant, joyful life?

I vote yes.

Dare we move.

What does one long for?

Are we not all alike, but craving uniqueness.

How many of us are bold?

Who of us are the leaders?

Do we dare to start a ripple in the stillness.

Loved ones are slipping out of reach.

I can not stand for only the touch of fingertips.

Who I am longs to hear the beating of souls.

I need reassurance that you feel, and what you feel is life.

As long as you release breath and inhale the fragrance of flowers..there is color in your eyes.

Do we not decide our own shade of color?

Is it not up to us if we live out loud?

Do you choose solitude?

Do you walk on sand or rock?

When your love is falling, do you reach for them?

What is the rhythm of your heart?